Ive been busy with work lately that I forgot how to take care of my health.
My exams are around the corner & Im falling sick every now & then.
I woke up early this morning after giving a wake up call to dearest Nizam.
(Confirm dektu pi tidor balek lepas aku kejot)
You wait till I got new phone with Video Call, Im gonna wake you up & scream at you with my kumpul-taik-mater-ajer face.
(Confirm member teros pengsan eh)

I cant sleep back after waking him up because its freezing cold here in my room.
I slept with the air-conditioned on last night only to wake up searching for my blanket.
It was raining outside & Mum (who wakes up earlier than me) didnt switch off the air-con for me.
Menggigil nak mampus dokkkkk.



(Sorry pipi, I stole your pic.)
Booooo.

Yesterday during class, Danny dared me to lose weight.
Semua orang macam tak percaya yang aku boleh buat.
Haha, laugh all you want now.
I was being laughed at in class when Danny made fun of me having flabby fats on my stomach.
Like hello, I dont care.
Im going to lose weight & you'll be giving me that 50bucks.
7kg in less than 3 months before my birthday.

Pundek, kau dah pendek takle tinggi-tinggi.
Atleast aku leh kurus.
( I mean, I will )

Abes tuh kan, aku nak conclude ni.
Kalau adik aku boleh kurus, mesti aku boleh!
Weeeee-weeeeeeeeeeeet.
Seriously, Im amazed at how my brother lose weight.
He used to be overweight, I mean, like heavier than me.
& now, he weighs my weight.
He eats more than I do, but how come he loses weight?
Whenever I teased him, he'll go 'Eleeeehhhh, aku dahhhh kurus, kau biler nak kurus?'
& my mom thinks Im getting fatter by the day.
(Happy Danny?)

You know, I dont know what I did wrong.
You know, I dont know what I said.
You know, this saddens me even more when you keep telling me that I keep assuming things that arent.
Well, I dont assume things before asking.
I asked you whats wrong, but you keep telling me that I assume things are wrong.
I tried every means to understand you, but it seems you choose to let me find you thru the hard way.
At this point of time, Im very much convinced that I think too much that I keep behaving like a child who wails at her mum in the shop.


Enough enough & enough is never enough.
Common, Im not even 18 & I have to go thru things like this?
First, I had to move on as what you guys call it after losing a boyfriend & my beloved family.
Now, Im single & everything but things havent been better?
Tell me, how much older do you want me to be, to be happy?
You know what, Im done playing superhero & act like everything's fine with me right now cos it never was. Im tired of telling everyone that Im fine when I never was.
I miss my family. I miss dad. I lost track of when's the last time my beloved family actually had dinner at that round table in the squeezy kitchen. I lost track of when's the last time my beloved family went out to the supermarket & do grocery shopping.
I lost track of when's the last time we had our movie marathon at home before sleeping.
I lost track of how it feels being in a family because I was tooooooooo engrossed with my own life that I take things for granted.

Now that I let everything go, I let nature takes it course, nothing seem to work as normal.
I get people who keep telling me that there's something wrong with me when I couldnt find what the heck was wrong with me.
The worst part is I dont know why I feel guilty when I should feel disappointed in you.
You told me I did nothing wrong but the way you phrase it means a whole lot of different thing.
Its never easy being me.
People will never get satisfied with youu.
Its like, you want that bitch to fuck off, but at the same time, it means no harm making friends with her. Its like, what the fuck am I talking crap right now?



I can now see how enough is never enough for you people.
You know what, the very least you could help me now is tell me what the heck is wrong with me & what in the world did I do wrong to be treated this way?
If you could help me answer these 2 questions, you'll be very much appreciated that I would take a look at myself in the mirror & tell me that I am in the wrong & this entry should be deleted right away.